First – I’d really like to thank all of you for your kind e-mails, your kind words, your coffees, your hugs, your nods.. Thank you. I don’t know what to say, other than never, ever pat yourself on the back. Because when you do, your metaphorical sweater gets stuck in your metaphorical earring and you rip a huge chunk off of yourself and cry for a week.
I guess… I guess what sucks.. is that my week probably wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was bad and horrible no good things happened and I was smushed up against a huge black man asking me obscene questions, then sobbing so hard that I had no choice but to clutch his puffy ski jacket to keep myself from falling over…but you know, it probably wasn’t that horrible. (Fuck it. It was.) I suppose that after feeling kinda swell about myself being under control, unmedicated and generally stuck together, I discovered that truth condition only holds when the world around me is kinda swell too. And that as soon as I’m confronted with medium difficult situations.. I don’t know what to do. Somebody died? I got your back. Broke/maimed or murdered? I’m there with a band-aid, cast and bleach. Come up against a wall of buraucracy where I have no power and no say and have to change my life plans for the next 365 days? Well, I’ll going to stand there and retch like a poodle and almost faint. Which, lets face it, does not exactly scream “well balanced and deserves a pat on the back”. I got upset.. at getting upset. Next step in not being depressed and anxious?? Being ok with getting depressed and anxious on occasion.
BUT – I did rediscover that I have a really incredible support network of people. People who are willing to wait in restaurants for hours for me to get my shit together and buy me dinner anyways, a boyfriend who will put socks on me while I’m peeing and brushing my teeth to get me out of the door in 13 minutes because I’ve only just come out of a depressed stupor and have a meeting, two girlfriends who will pour three pitchers of beer down my throat and drive me home and a world of bloggers who will group hug me in the comment section. Which means I guess I just have to bring you all with me next time I go do battle at the registrars office. *smile*