A metaphorical bleeding ear of a week.

First – I’d really like to thank all of you for your kind e-mails, your kind words, your coffees, your hugs, your nods.. Thank you. I don’t know what to say, other than never, ever pat yourself on the back. Because when you do, your metaphorical sweater gets stuck in your metaphorical earring and you rip a huge chunk off of yourself and cry for a week.

I guess… I guess what sucks.. is that my week probably wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was bad and horrible no good things happened and I was smushed up against a huge black man asking me obscene questions, then sobbing so hard that I had no choice but to clutch his puffy ski jacket to keep myself from falling over…but you know, it probably wasn’t that horrible. (Fuck it. It was.) I suppose that after feeling kinda swell about myself being under control, unmedicated and generally stuck together, I discovered that truth condition only holds when the world around me is kinda swell too. And that as soon as I’m confronted with medium difficult situations.. I don’t know what to do. Somebody died? I got your back. Broke/maimed or murdered? I’m there with a band-aid, cast and bleach. Come up against a wall of buraucracy where I have no power and no say and have to change my life plans for the next 365 days? Well, I’ll going to stand there and retch like a poodle and almost faint. Which, lets face it, does not exactly scream “well balanced and deserves a pat on the back”. I got upset.. at getting upset. Next step in not being depressed and anxious?? Being ok with getting depressed and anxious on occasion.

BUT – I did rediscover that I have a really incredible support network of people. People who are willing to wait in restaurants for hours for me to get my shit together and buy me dinner anyways, a boyfriend who will put socks on me while I’m peeing and brushing my teeth to get me out of the door in 13 minutes because I’ve only just come out of a depressed stupor and have a meeting, two girlfriends who will pour three pitchers of beer down my throat and drive me home and a world of bloggers who will group hug me in the comment section. Which means I guess I just have to bring you all with me next time I go do battle at the registrars office. *smile*



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8 responses to “A metaphorical bleeding ear of a week.

  1. You know what’s amazing about you? Even when you’re having a rotten time, your humour just shines right on through. Then of course, I feel bad for laughing because it really does sound like it’s been a rough time, but I scroll back up to the part about the metaphorical earring and start chortling all over again.
    I’m glad to hear you have an excellent safety net(work).

  2. sabby

    Oh no, the registrar’s office! They can be a .. um.. difficult group of people. But what’s this about having to change your plans for the next year?!?
    I hope things start to go more your way, and hope to see you around campus soon.

  3. fran

    Oh, A! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a pants time. If it’s any consolation, my sister (she’s a couple of years older than you I think) had depression badly at uni. Now, she finds that stressful or difficult situations – or even a bad virus- can throw her back into it. BUT it is never as bad as the first time. And now she recognizes it she knows how to treat it and to deal with it. And we all know how to help her through it.
    So maybe you will have to put up with a bit more emotional fragility than you’d like- but at least you can see it coming and beat it. And it’s just great that you have people around you who love you enough to understand!
    f x

  4. Jud

    Hang in there. It does sound like you have a great beaux and funky fine friends. Three pitchers of beer? Sound like my kind o’ women.

    Oh, and sorry I spooked you with the Rabbit story.

  5. So sorry to hear you’re having an ‘overload’ week. That’s what I call them, when I totally lose my marbles. It happens to the best of us, no matter how strong. Hang in there.

  6. Dealing with the registrar’s office usually seems to have this effect on people, no matter how seemingly together they are. I’m glad you have an awesome support group, including a lovely boyfriend, to help you through.

    Also, the metaphorical sweater/earring had me in stitches too. You’re a strong girl, miss. Even when you’ve had a rotten, no good, very bad week you are a trooper.

  7. Aw I’m so sorry you’re struggling – but I’m glad that you have people who can rally around you. It makes a huge difference.

    And when you have an awful day? I vote for bubble baths, tea, and books read under blankets. I’m a comfort seeker, but it always seems to temper my bad experiences.

    Thinking about you.

  8. Carlynn

    Shitty deal, my friend. I have been in a bit of a funk myself, and it came to a head yesterday. I couldn’t even manage to go to my yoga class yesterday so I went and looked at the depressed puppies at the pet store, bought the new Portishead cd, downed a bottle of wine and stayed in a lavender bath until it got cold. You’ve again hit the nail on the head: the next step in not being depressed and anxious is being ok with being depressed and anxious on occasion. I’m definitely at this step, too. Godspeed. Hugs from TO. xo

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