to targets.

{Kenneth Noland}

{This post is Part II of my New Years Essay. To read part one, jump over here.}

In my living room there is a great wall of books. And behind the rows and rows of books of great and ill repute, there are slightly smaller and thinner stacks of journals. Moleskines, plain and black, some bulging and some slim, are lined and piled and hiding behind better stories than mine. They are filled with pressed flowers, spare pearls, polaroids, drawings, pages washed clean with tears, pages with words that gouge into the next three. There are moleskins still stained and gritty with sand from India, one that smells of the perfume I wore in the galleries in Washington, one filled with the wonder of being so in love, some that stop halfway through and never pick up again except with crossed out lines and smudges.

There is no way to tell their chronology except by the list that occupies the first few pages of each journal. In an effort to have a consistent way to start each new, fresh and dauntingly perfect black book, I began copying a list into each one. It was a list of things that I wanted to do in my life, amended, appended and added to each journal, items crossed off and dated upon their completion.

I’ve gathered all my crumbled post it notes, soggy napkins and journal pages up in front of me tonight baby loves. I’ve laid them out, arranged them here and there, took out “drive to Alaska”, “have a baby” and “make my own candy canes” as items not contributing to this years resolution.* I’ve looked at the little things I want to do, the big things, and I’ve boiled them down to a choice few that will take me through this next year, and hopefully contribute not only to what I want to do in my life, but who I want to be.

Without any apology, these are not BIG things. There is plenty of time in the months and years ahead to do big things, to lay big plans, to make things happen. What I hope is that with these small choice things being completed month by month, I will become the braver person who can do those bigger things without hesitation. Hell, if finally making a good lemon tart and sewing a summer dress gives me the courage to book a ticket to Africa/Russia/Mississippi, there is no harm done here. There will be 12 months of 12 Goals, carefully chronicled along with my regular shenanigans. **

(*nervous stalling* Did I just use a capital G on Goals?)

Ok.  Here we go!

{January} – Tricked you. This one is a surprise! January’s resolution is definitely underway, and has been for about 12 days. I’m really excited about this one – lets just say that it helps me with my goals of reconnecting to a community, supporting and fostering other artists, being honest about my love of writing and a place to exhibit it, and tie that sucker up with a big bow of “looking my best” in all areas of my life. And surprisingly, this one has little to do with Interpretive Dance.

{February} – Try one new recipe a week/photograph and blog it! This month is a twofold resolution. First and foremost it’s about reconnecting to how much I love to cook, and consciously being aware of what and how we eat. We’re both really interested in taking the time to sit down at a table, talk, enjoy our food and each other. We have an incredible amount of talent, food resources and inspiration around us here in the Maritimes, and I want to be able to take advantage of it. What is perhaps equally as important to me is sharing the love of food that my family, and largely my mom, has cultivated in me – which is where sharing it with you comes in! Committing to reviewing and publishing it means that in some small way, I get to have you at my kitchen table with me.

{March} – Take one intentional photo per day for 30 days. This is a “Don’t know until you try” resolution. I love my camera, love it so much that I want more. Flashes, lenses, new bodies. But in order to justify purchasing another camera or more equipment, I want to know that my abilities will extend to meet whatever technology I put in my hands. It’s been a long time since I took the time to actually learn a craft more than haphazardly or fleetingly. Photography is something I love so much, and use so little with intention.

{April} – Sew, and wear, two pieces of summer clothing. My grandmother that passed away this summer was a maverick with needle and thread. We all have gifts of quilts from both her, and her mother (my great grandmother) constructed with everything from old woolen jackets and air force uniforms to the softest cotton sheets. These quilts keep you warm in ways that only grandmothers and their craft can. I want to construct something for myself, perhaps nothing with as much weight or significance, but something that stitches me to them and their abilities in the same way.  This is a small step to knowing and feeling my history, and carrying it with me – light or heavy.

{May} – Commit five random acts of art in my town. This task will definitely fill the badassery quotient in this years resolution plan. (And will be further defined once we reach May). I have moved so many times in my life, and sometimes, other than the people that I’ve met in the places that I’ve lived, I feel like I pass from city to city and town to town without leaving any indication that I was there. It must be that as I get older I’m looking to leave some sort of flaming Z in the wall of the places that I go. Yes, I referenced Zoro. I figured a resolution involving random acts of art  was the place to do it.

{June} – This one is also to be announced. It’s a bit of a venture, a little  bit of a reach, a tiny bit scary and more than a little bit time intensive. But it is also delicious, and I’m really really excited about this one.

I’m going to leave it there for the time being, lest you all suffer from blogscrolleritis and swear never to return to cheer me upon the journey. But this is where I’m starting! I’ll publish the others in the next little while, though I’m going to leave wiggle room for change… in the event whatever I sew rips down the hiney or my oven implodes.

So sweet tarts – there is the start.

Here is to targets!

*Unless I were to attach the modifiers “in the face of bears”, “and push a watermelon through the eye of a needle” and “become irreparably single” to my resolution “be braver”.

**Have you seen the flickr stream lately? Apparently I’ve turned into an 18 year old gurl. I played beer pong. WTF. I collect books. And stamps. And sometimes dust from when I don’t leave the house on a regular basis. And I found out I’m really good at beer pong, a fact that had to be related to me later due to little to no recollection of said game.



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12 responses to “to targets.

  1. We have the same February goal 🙂 I love looking back at old journals, but sadly I stopped hand-writing them when I started blogging – I really should get back on that.

    And I LOVE your May goal – I saw a random act of “art” in our city on a bus shack the other day – a friend of mine posted it on Twitter, and I thought it was awesome

  2. I love your Goals. I hope you document the outcomes here. I would love to see what happens!

  3. jen

    this is the most reasonable (and attainable) list of resolutions that i’ve ever seen.

    here’s to tiny things!

  4. i’m thrilled to follow you as you recap these goals month to month!

  5. Oh the suspense! Wishing you luck m’dear, not that you need it. xo

  6. I love your goals, and the sew and wear clothing one? I would love to take that as a challenge. Very excited about this =)

  7. Captain Harrison Love: After all, it’s only one man…
    Don Rafael: It isn’t just one man, damn it. It’s ZORRO.
    (From The Mask of Zorro [1998]).

    So here’s to *tzuk-tzuk-tzukking* your way through your goals!

    *tzuk = the sound Zorro’s sword makes when it cuts the Z into material 🙂

  8. hats off to you, lady! so excited to see what this year has in store for you!

  9. p.

    One goal is to get through Lorkovic’s ethics class 🙂

    Quick Side Note: Yesterday, hallway, 7th building 3rd floor, newbie male student totally enamored with Lorkovic, Quote: “I usually get A’s on papers but my last two philosophy classes, all I got were C’s!” Grinning from ear to ear Lorkovic, trying to annunciate through his big ass grin while simultaneously trying not to laugh out loud Quote: “Is that right hey?”

    I wished you were there.

    Request? You courier me that pastry goat cheese deliciousness that we had the good fortune of inhaling at your house warming. Easy peasy!!


  10. I’m going to admit my Battlestar Galactica obsession as of late, and just point out that the target image looks a lot like Starbuck’s destiny.

  11. awh man, that’s ok Steph. I was watching it from the beginning. I can now say “frack” with impunity.

  12. i lllllooooooove your goals. you creative woman you.

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